The election cycle during Presidential election years can be particularly grueling in the United States of ‘Merica. You often get to see the best and the worst of each candidate in mostly equal measure. On rare occasion you get to see a candidate lose his shit like a shit collector with amnesia. That rare Pokemon occurred last Saturday when Republican hopeful Marco Rubio short circuited on the stage and repeatedly spouted off the same sentence over and over again parroting his memorized 25 second speech. Just take a gander at this historical evidence:
Clearly the man was unprepared for the debate. Perhaps he was thirsty. Maybe he had too many Twix bars. I suppose it was even possible that his platform boots were bothering him. Regardless of the reason, we are left with a man that looks like he genuinely has nothing to add to the conversation and is hoping that his supporters just want to hear the same 25 second speech over and over again, ad nauseam until he is supposedly elected the Grand Poobah of this once fine nation. Good luck with that Rubio. Maybe before you talk in public again you should read a newspaper, scan a news feed online and come prepared to talk in front of the nation. Just a suggestion, do your own thing. You’re still cool even if you lose, right? Well, stuttering his way to the next debate will be Marco Headroom – so now all of his nervous ticks, weird speech mannerisms and awkwardness will feel right because they will be the product of faulty 1980s A.I. programming. You’re welcome Rubio, I just saved your campaign!
