Vampire Resurrection: The Nerfed Llamas Review @fullmoonhorror @RealCharlesBand

• Vampire Resurrection: The Nerfed Llamas Review – Have you seen my boom mic recently?

Selecting a new movie to review can be a finicky process. Sometimes it is as simple as “Ooh, that looks interesting, I should watch that!” A lot of the times though, it’s more like “There’s way too many movies to pick from. It’s gonna take forever to find the right one.” Multiple factors go into deciding which Full Moon movie that I watch, not the least of which being the mood I’m in. Sometimes I’m wide open to just about any kind of experience, and other times I want something specific. For whatever reason, (literally I could not tell you why) I decided that I needed a vampire flick for today’s review. The good news is that Full Moon hosts a large selection of vampire movies, including the classic Subspecies series. With this in mind, I chose Vampire Resurrection which is directed by (and starring) Denise Duff, the protagonist from Subspecies 2, 3, and 4.

Click the following link to keep up to date on this year’s Full Moon Features festivities including film reviews and other articles: 2nd Annual: May is Officially Full Moon Features Month at Nerfed Llamas!

What is Vampire Resurrection: Vampire Resurrection is a 2001 film written by Ron Ford (The Fear) & Jose Prendes (Blood Brothers), and directed by Denise Duff. The film stars Denise Duff, James Horan (Star Trek Enterprise, Another World), Jillian McWhirter (Progeny, Last Man Standing), Frank Bruynbroek (Godzilla, Rush Hour 3), Geoffrey Lewis (Double Impact, Maverick), Marilyn O’Connor (Thunder Run, Secret Santa), Julie Michaels (Road House, Point Break), and a pesky Boom Mic that loves to pop in the scene every now and then (that little scamp is a ham!). Vampire Resurrection is about 2 lovers from the early 1900’s, Jonathan and Caroline, who’s relationship ends abruptly when Caroline is murdered. Jonathan seeks help through a Creole Voodoo Lady and becomes a vampire who is promised to be reunited with Caroline in 100 years. As long as he can convince Caroline of their love within one lunar cycle, they can live happily together for eternity. After 100 years has passed, Caroline has been reincarnated as Victoria, and Jonathan starts the long process of courting her before his time runs out. Also, Victoria’s psycho ex-husband is going everywhere and fucking shit up for everyone too.

What I liked about Vampire Resurrection: There is a smaller story about domestic abuse, fear, and survival that is far more interesting and engaging than the main plot. The main story hinges on us believing (which we don’t) that a couple that we see on screen for roughly a minute or two (which is an adulterous affair to boot) is supposed to be true love for all of eternity after the woman in the relationship is killed by the angry husband. Which would almost be OK if the idea of the story, which features a 100 year time skip, was about karma and how bad decisions follow Caroline/Victoria where ever she goes. Unfortunately, this is not the point made by Vampire Resurrection as it sticks to the flimsy “eternal romance” story. The domestic abuse survivor story is far more compelling, and frankly speaking, Victoria’s ex-husband is far more terrifying than Jonathan the vampire, even though they are both murderous scum. The ex-husband plays a big part in the story, and makes for a much needed layer of depth to this story which is pretty much vacuous otherwise.

If it matters, there is a half-way decent smut scene at the end of the second act. So if you like watching attractive people smooch body parts while scantily clad, then you may find this one scene in the entire movie of some value.

Yeah… that’s about it.

What I didn’t like about Vampire Resurrection: There is some fairly dodgy filmmaking going on in this film. Colors that do not match the scene (possibly lens filters) come out of nowhere. Also, they throw the gel lights on scenes left and right. Vampire on the screen? Better hit him with an ominous glowing red back light. Going clubbing? Everybody is glowing with an unnatural hue of blue. This pattern continues throughout the entire movie, for better or worse. The smoke machine is used a bunch as well, and on occasion you can see the shadow of the person fanning the smoke into the scene. There is a basic lack of polish, even for a b-movie, that is evident and glaring. Also, if you like your movie to have a “behind the scenes” vibe, Vampire Resurrection allows you to see the Boom Mic multiple times throughout the film, and let’s face it the Boom Mic is the real star of this movie.

There are weird cuts, like to a dancing woman in the morgue, and to an inconsequential character flat lining in a hospital that just don’t make any narrative sense. The character’s death means nothing, because you don’t care about him at all, besides it is assumed that he was going to die so there’s no reason to actually show it. The dancing I almost understand (I think it was meant to evoke the longing in Jonathan’s heart which is driving him to find his long lost Caroline), except that all the dancer does is dance. That character could have been far more compelling had she been like a fairy, or a nymph that was magically guiding him in his quest to reunite with his love. Alas, none of that happens, and in the end these bizarre cuts (which there were many) just add filler to a movie that feels like it had a 30 page script (at the absolute most). There just isn’t really enough going on in this film, and what little that is happening is super boring.

My biggest gripe about Vampire Resurrection is that it just wasn’t a good watch. Not even a little bit. It’s poorly filmed, terribly scripted, shoddily filmed, and barely held together by duck tape and a Boom Mic.

Bottom Line: Vampire Resurrection has moments that work well enough, but is unfortunately marred by poor production value and an over all narrative that isn’t all that original or thrilling to watch… even by b-movie standards. It is tagged as a romance movie, but really it’s a vampire horror movie that has a love story tacked onto it to widen its appeal. This movie would be best viewed with a riff soundtrack supplied by the gang at MST3K or Rifftrax. Unfortunately, neither have taken up that job (yet), but I believe they would have plenty to work with if they ever decided to comedically tackle Vampire Resurrection. Clearly, I don’t recommend Vampire Resurrection to anyone as it is just not a good film at all, not even as a b-movie. It is worth a watch perhaps as a film that you and a few friends could ridicule mercilessly, but that’s about it. Should you feel compelled to watch it anyway, you can watch Vampire Resurrection on Full Moon’s Streaming service, or purchase it on DVD from the Full Moon Direct online store.

Here is the trailer for Vampire Resurrection, check it out to see if you’d like to see yourself lit in a variety of prime colors whilst glancing lovingly at your exposed boom mic…