***Brief note from the author.
The Absurdity of Life is a fun little satire wrapped in a farce masquerading as social commentary. A tale of a country divided during a secret alien invasion. The lives of many will be told, and their seemingly unconnected walks through life will be pulled together in the most absurd way, culminating in an interplanetary event that will altar the course of human history. It’s gonna be one hell of a wild ride. Don’t miss it!
Disclaimer: The views represented in this novel are not necessarily the views of the author… although, they are not necessarily not the views of the author. They are words that are silly. They might mean an awful lot to you, or they might not. Life is absurd like that.
***
The Absurdity of Life
by: Packy Smith
Prologue:
This is an important part of the story.
The beginning.
The stuff that makes sense before anything else makes sense.
Rest assured the rest of the story may make no sense to you at all, or it may make perfect sense, it all just depends on your personal level of sanity and ability to comprehend narratives that on the surface make no sense yet are correlated in a way that is highly improbable to foresee. That is right, folks, the events that I am going to bear witness to defy all predictive models and shatter all normative expectations. A perfect storm of absolute absurdity is on the horizon.
Where were we? Ah yes, the beginning, a very important part of your complete story. Which is not to say that the rest of the story isn’t important, it’s just that this is really important at this exact moment. Further plot details will be important in their moment as appropriate. You dig? Excellent.
So here we go.
In a not so remote corner of the planet Earth (although I never quite did understand how a spherical planet is capable of having corners) lies a once great nation, who’s flag seems to fly a smidge lower each day. Perhaps a millimeter or two down the flag pole every few weeks as the liberty and freedom of the country slowly bleeds out.
The United States of America: The alleged United States of America. What once was legendary, free and majestic, is now alleged. The people are listless, bereft of ambition and totally dependent on Government assistance and guidance. American spirit, or the American Dream is all but a fallacy at this point, and if that doesn’t tell you everything you need to know, I just don’t know what will.
Sometime before 2100 A.D., yet certainly on/or after 2016 A.D., a rather fascinating phenomenon took place. The lower cortex monkey brained people of the United States of America elected an orange toupee wearing, womanizing, reality TV show mutant as their President. Of course the country had gotten to a point that the folks who elected him in didn’t even care that he was not in fact a human being, even though the facts were all out there in broad daylight. It has been speculated by some that are far smarter than most average humans, that had the truth about this mutant President’s affiliations and ultimate goals had been on public display prior to his initial election: written on giant stone pillars over 100 feet tall, in the center of every major city in America, as well as Tweeted, Facebooked, Pinterested, Instagramed, LinkedIn, and whatever other social media nonsense you crazy weirdos find worth your time. Even if all of that had happened, the public still would have voted for him regardless. There’s a word for this. It’s on the tip of my sensors… SHEEPLE! That’s it. The folks responsible for this travesty are sheeple.
Since coming into power, the President made it easier for his fellow aliens to come across the border through lenient immigration reform (which is highly amusing considering he ran on a platform of strict anti-immigration, calling for bans on letting immigrants in and promising to deport any illegal that even looked at an American citizen funny). He then devalued the American dollar by essentially printing money that was based on a phantom standard of hope and controlled interest rates versus economic reality. Entitlements grew far beyond the capacity for the country to actually afford, even more so than when that Muslim immigrant was President, and solvency in general was never regarded as a high priority. Why worry about where the money is going to come from (or if you even have any money in the first place!) as long as your cohorts will allow you to keep spending it willy-nilly? The ultimate financial collapse of the United States forced multiple countries to adopt all new standards of monetary valuation that sent the world into heavy economic turmoil.
These are grim times, both economically and for the welfare of the average human being. However, these proved to be a rather fortuitous turn of events that suited the Rednax just fine, as they come from a planet rich in turbulent history and financial ruin. Not only were the Rednax expert space travelers, they also were fiendishly adept at assimilating into alien cultures and then exploiting them. A gaunt and weary looking creature, the Rednax stood as proud as beings that lived to be thousands of years old could. They need a new planet to claim as home, and Earth seems in prime condition for the taking.
Assimilation is already well underway, and many of the Rednax plants were the ones responsible for allowing the President (who is not a member of the Rednax, just a paid actor from the Doucheian people of the planet Trancers 7) to be elected in the first place. Voter fraud, bullying and buying the fealty of a majority of the media were their favorite tactics, but perhaps the coup de grâce is the way they maneuvered the heartland voters into towing the political line for the nitwit who now resides in the White House. The problem with assimilation is that it takes time to alter the Rednax’s appearance to look like a human being. The Rednax are skinny, lithe beings with pale purple skin, thin hair and long nails. Their appearance is very similar biologically to a human being, but you folks tend to have a bit more more meat on your bones, and then there is the whole “purple” thing. A machine alters the Rednax’s DNA to fit in with that of the human race and slowly they are infiltrating every major position of power on the planet. This assimilation is happening on a global scale. You lot won’t even know what hit you.
My name is Brad, I’m a tiny stealth reconnaissance droid that monitors and records daily activity on the planet and then feeds it back to the Rednax Mothership. I’m 1 of 1,291,976 other units, each with their own unique names. I am fortunate to have the name I have, things got rather ugly about the time Buford, Ethel, Bertha and Elmer got handed out. The names only got worse, Arkarkhentkats, Folami, and Jim-Bob were the last 3 assigned. The last name in particular is aggravating because there is already a Jim and a Bob, and as orders come in for Jim-Bob, they all 3 respond to the order. I have a bit more autonomy than most of the droids, as my mission is more focused than the rest. Along with 11 other droids, I am tasked with discovering the final pieces to the puzzle of human interactions that will allow the Rednax to finally take full control over your feeble planet. Do not fear Earthlings, the Rednax very much enjoy your prostitutes, recreational drugs and debaucherous cable TV shows, so you will be allowed to stay. Things won’t change for you all that much, the Rednax will just add a few billion more to your global population – you’ll hardly notice them at all.
I am currently flying to a small town in Texas named Jasper. There is a small, yet highly networked around all 50 states, group calling themselves the American Inquisition. Tonight they aim to take over the entire town, and judge the citizens there. If any citizen is found to not be a true patriot of the United States of ‘Merica, they will be purged. Read between the lines on that one, it is exactly as it sounds. These guinea pigs will be asked a series of 10 pass/fail questions, and if they do not get at least 7 correct… well then they are a goner. This was not in the Rednax’s plan, and worse than that, they had no earthly idea that it was even happening until just today. This planet loves its dirty little secrets and crazy cult-like organizations. Normally a small little cult in a backwoods town in Texas would not be a cause for alarm, but reports from 8 of my robotic brothers and sisters clearly indicate that American Inquisition are actually striking 8 small towns tonight. The prediction for loss of life amongst these 8 events is staggering. Sheeple beware, the American Inquisition is coming for you.
I’ll be in Jasper, Texas in approximately 5 minutes, just in time to see this crazy party start. Should be interesting…
